So you know, because I love you, I have compiled a list of first date questions. I know you are stuck in self-isolation but cheer up after this lockdown there would be a lot of openings. A good number of relationships would have cracks as a result of partners staying locked together for so long. So get ready to hunt after the lockdown.
So without further ado, singles singletons and those of you who are just discovering how shitty your partners are.
Here are six questions you must ask on your first date.
1. Does your mood swing involve carrying a knife?
See this question you must ask it. Sister, do you carry a knife in your purse?
Do you have cutlass in that your big handbag?
Don’t go and be smiling sheepishly. Better check his briefcase for portable sized cutlass, don’t say I did not warn you.
2. Do you accidentally cheat?
You know, these things happen, you just slip, miss your steps and voila! You are in another woman’s bed. Does this sound familiar? Tell me.
3. Are your pink lips made in Oshodi
For the non-Nigerians reading, Oshodi is a place in Lagos where you can get anything done from pink lips to plastic surgery, and the fantastic thing is, it can be done in less than 15 minutes. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Try this, and ‘Botched’ would have nothing on you.
I need to know if I would be kissing natural lips or caustic soda in advance. Thank you.
4. Are you afraid of cockroach
How best do I say this? Someone has to kill all the cockroaches in this relationship, and it’s not me. So you see? If you are going to be running from cockroaches, then keep that same energy and run out of my life.
5. Are you always in the comment section begging for a giveaway?
You better ask this question. Before you introduce them to your friends that you have found the one, only for your friends to see them on Tunde Ednut’s page dragging for the giveaway. Don’t let anybody come and embarrass you.
6. Do you think 5G is the cause of coronavirus?
Him: Yes it’s all part of China and Bill Gates plan to vaccinate the entire world
Me: My Uber has arrived, boy bye.
I owe it to my future children that their father is smart. No hard feelings.
7. Are you related to Lai Mohammed?